Peri posted this there and it cracked me up so much I had to post it here for those who don't visit their boards.
How to Shower like a Woman/Man
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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing
long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, demurely
cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the
mirror--make mental note--must do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use
face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your
hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot
facial scrub for ten minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with
Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (you
must make sure that it has all come off). Shave armpits/legs. Consider
bikini area but decide to get it waxed. Scream loudly when husband
flushes toilet and you lose the hot water. Turn off shower. Squeegee
off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Exit of
shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super
absorbent second towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a
zit, tweeze stray hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown
and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom for a luxurious hour and a half of
getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire size of your wiener in mirror and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on bed and leave it there. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
How to Shower like a Woman/Man
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing
long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, demurely
cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the
mirror--make mental note--must do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use
face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your
hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot
facial scrub for ten minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with
Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (you
must make sure that it has all come off). Shave armpits/legs. Consider
bikini area but decide to get it waxed. Scream loudly when husband
flushes toilet and you lose the hot water. Turn off shower. Squeegee
off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Exit of
shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super
absorbent second towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a
zit, tweeze stray hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown
and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom for a luxurious hour and a half of
getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire size of your wiener in mirror and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on bed and leave it there. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
Yohansen Ennui
Master of the Elements
61 years of hot rod lovin

Heretics of the Apocalypse
Copyright ©2001-2002 Yohansen Ennui>
Master of the Elements
61 years of hot rod lovin
Heretics of the Apocalypse
Copyright ©2001-2002 Yohansen Ennui>
